The Three Stages of Every Marriage
Every relationship goes through several stages. Some experts divide them into six, I have summarized them in three: change, growth and learning.
Let's discuss these three words.
Something that all human beings have in common is that we live in constant change. We change our hair, we change our clothes, our style, our school, our work, our home. We grow old... Once you begin your relationship, the "change" is imminent, because immediately your whole life is transformed.
Let's see this stage as an adaptation process. It will depend on each individual how to face those changes or that transition in the best way so that the relationship lasts in the future. Communicating and negotiating is essential. Understanding that we all have a past is elementary. Do not get complicated by nonsense or argue over simple things. Life is too short to waste it on pointless arguments. The Cuban singer Celia Cruz says it very clearly: “life is a carnival, and it is more beautiful to live singing”.
The commitment, the honeymoon of courtship, the first years, will bring changes. These are periods that you have to embrace and enjoy. Especially the first year in which everything seems perfect, but in it you also discover things, manners and aspects of your partner that you did not know.
Relationships grow, that is, they mature, there is a greater knowledge of the couple. Perhaps the disagreements are more frequent or less, a product of the maturity acquired in the first stage of change and adaptation.
In this phase the couple stabilizes. Love is no longer the product of a feeling, but of reason. The will plays an important role in the binomial commitment-understanding. Then, if the relationship matures, come the children and their facets: baby, adolescence, university and adulthood. In the midst of all this, you continue to change, grow, mature, and with you your partner and in short your relationship or marriage.
All changes will bring learning. You learn from failures and successes. Of joy and sadness. Every moment of your life and your marriage and every step in the life of your children, if any, will teach you unforgettable lessons that can serve as a reference for other couples or even your own children.
I see the learning stage as a combination of the previous two and one that never ends. It is a period of reflection, so it is valuable for the couple to have the best lines of communication open, healthy so that it does not become a threat to the stability of the couple.
How to avoid routine and boredom
Routine is very common in many marriages or relationships. It is a kind of numbing of the marital relationship.
The daily hustle and bustle, the stress, the social commitments, make many people fall into a routine of life. However, it is very damaging to the relationship.
To avoid falling into a routine, the couple must be very creative, rediscovering each other every day and reconnecting again on a daily basis. Let's see what we can do:
A good conversation with your partner about what you think and feel to learn more and grow in love. Talking about the day at work, shopping for groceries together, watching a movie, eating ice cream or taking a walk outside are situations that allow you to be next to your partner, sharing and talking. Seeking moments alone is also very important, especially to refresh your relationship in privacy.
Remember this: you reap what you sow. If you sow thorns, you will not expect to reap flowers. And, every plant needs daily care. If you don't take care of it, it will wither and die.
Think, how do you take care of the person next to you? And, how do you take care of yourself for the person who shares your life?
Your partner always goes first.
Lots of details, and they don't have to be very thoughtful or elaborate. Creativity and spontaneity give vitality to the relationship and strengthen it. Spontaneity is contrary to routine, so leaving room for improvisation gives freedom for things to happen naturally.
You can listen or read My Tips for a Happy Marriage to learn more about this topic.
Routine is a silent enemy, it makes no noise. We get used to it to a point that we don't realize it until it's too late.